My Spiritual Journey

Dad

2011-02-27T00:03:00.000-08:00

February 27th, 2010: I lost my Number One Dad... It has been one year. Still doesn't feel real. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him, or the things he instilled in me. I am who I am today because of the love, albeit shown in his own way, and direction he gave me. Today is not only the one year anniversary of his death, today is the day I remember my Dad.

So I remember you today, Dad. I remember the good times, the bad times, the fun times and the sad. I remember the things you taught me, even though I didn't always listen. Today I remember how much I love you, and how much you love me. I miss you Dad. You are in my heart and in my prayers, always!

Trinity & Abraham

2010-10-11T01:35:00.000-07:00

[2] He lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, three men were standing in front of him. When he saw them, he ran from the tent door to meet them and bowed himself to the earth [3] and said, “O Lord, if I have found favor in your sight, do not pass by your servant. [4] Let a little water be brought, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree, [5] while I bring a morsel of bread, that you may refresh yourselves, and after that you may pass on—since you have come to your servant.” So they said, “Do as you have said.”

(Genesis 18:2-5 ESV)

Three men in front of Abraham. Abraham refers to them as, "Lord." Singular, not plural. Reference to the Holy Trinity?

Devotions

2010-10-05T00:02:00.000-07:00

So I have really been lacking in my devotions. I was supposed to be following along with a large group of people from church. They're being led by one of our Elders. I'm not sure how everyone else has been doing, but I just dropped the ball. Big time.

One thing I've learned since committing myself to Christ, is to not dwell on failures, but to learn from them. So here we go again. I'm starting my own daily reading plan and I WILL complete it. It's a one year journey through the bible. Doing both Old and New Testaments daily. I have set aside one hour a day in my calendar to remind me.

Beginning on October 4th 2010: I'm starting with Genesis 1-2, and Matthew 1.

Lets do this.

Moon

2010-09-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

I was looking at the moon while driving home on Sunday night. Have you ever thought of the moon as a kind of metaphor of God?

During a lunar eclipse, we can only see part of the moon. The whole thing is still there, just shadowed by the earth. Is that not too different from God? Sometimes we can only see part of God in our lives because too many earthly things our blocking our vision.

What about when the moon is full? It lights up so many things, and we can see farther than ever before. For me, that happens when I let God take full control over my life. I see things I've never seen before, even in the darkest of places.

"When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers- the moon and the stars you set in place- what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?" Psalm 8:3-4

Back On Track

2010-09-20T14:19:00.001-07:00

What's on my mind? It's more like what isn't on my mind. Change is in the air. A real sense of momentum starting to weigh heavy on my shoulders. Something is coming. What that is, I do not know... One things for sure, God's pointing me in a new direction. I'm not just a tree in His hurricane, I'm a tumbleweed. Ready to go where He takes me. You're kingdom come, you're will be done.

Before & After Part Three: The Three R's

2010-02-10T13:35:00.000-08:00

RELOCATION

We now come to the end of November. God has come into my life and not only could I tell the difference, but people around me saw the change immediately. At this time I was still living with Megan's family in Long Beach. Although they were providing me with a support system to help deal with the loss of Mitch, every other part of my life was falling apart. First thing God put into my heart, was the need to change my living situation.

During our time in the mountains my birth mother, Angie, gave me an invitation to move in with her family. Which included her husband, Eric, and my two younger siblings, Riley and Reesie. Although I was concerned at first for the reaction my Mom would have, I knew I had to make a change.

So when I got back to Long Beach, I spent that whole Monday asking God for direction in my life. Where do I go from here? What's the first step? It came to me like a sudden snap of clarity, Angie's house. I can't remember if it was that night, or Tuesday, but I called her up and talked about the possibility of moving to Placentia with them. Angie had to confer with Eric and my brother and sister. I had a phone conversation with Eric on Thursday about why I was moving in. That Friday, Eric came to the house and picked me up. Less than a week after God came back into my life, He answered my first prayer.

RECONCILIATION

During my first month in Placentia, God's next step for me was to fix my broken relationships. So one by one, starting with my best friend Justin, I called the people who I had lost touched with to reconcile. I told them what had happened before, what was happening now and what I want for the future. For the first time in a long time, I had stopped running and dealt with my problems head on.

After I told one person, the next was easier. It was kind of like a domino effect. It kept going like that the entire month of December. Friends have always meant a lot to me, and getting everyone of them back into my life was amazing. There was more to be done though. Christmas eve and Christmas brought two family relationships that desperately needed to be fixed. One was with my Mom and sister, the other was with my cousin's family.

I spent Christmas eve at my aunt and uncle's house in Murrieta. This was my cousins house, the one I hurt on Thanksgiving. I knew I had to go, but I was nervous for some reason. I put that feeling aside and spent some much needed time with my family. I had a really good time, and was able to talk with them about my new life. They were very encouraging of my decisions and I felt horrible that it had taken me so long to talk with them. I was very happy to have had that time with them.

Christmas brought me to the most important person who I needed to reconcile with, my Mom. It had been about 2 months since the last time I had talked to her and shared what was going on in my life. On the drive from Murrieta, I talked to my Mom on the phone and it was both fantastic and heartbreaking. Knowing the pain I caused was almost too much to bare. I love her so much and it was great to talk with her and to let her know what had been going on in my life. Since then, I haven't gone more than a week or two without talking her.

That Christmas, God had given me the best gift of all, my family. Nothing means more to me than my family, which I now have a HUGE one! :)

REBIRTH

Also during the month of December, I felt God calling me to learn more about him and Christ. So I dived right in without hesitation. I started going to church three times a week. Twice on Sunday, and once on Wednesday for Prayer. I was involved in two home groups. One at my house, and one at the house of a very good friend of Angie's.

I was like a sponge, soaking in everything I could. I didn't realize it then, but I was doing things a normal person would usually never do. I just surrounded myself with God and scripture. Everyday, I felt closer to him. Everyday, I felt more alive. I was going through one of the biggest life changes I've ever had, and loved every minute of it.

Toward the end of the month, I was at Prayer one night when I heard Alan, one of my Elder's, talk of a man getting Baptized that coming Sunday. Immediately I knew my time had come to put to death my old life, and to be born into a new with Christ. So I approached Alan and asked when I could be Baptized. He replied, "how about this Sunday?" I was shocked that it could happen that quick, but I knew it was right.

I spent the next few days praying and meditating about the coming event. I had amazing support from friends and family in the church. Everyone was very excited, including myself.

Sunday came, and we had a great pulpit from Alan. At the end of the service, he asked the two of us who were being Baptized to come up. He introduced us to the Community and invited all who wanted to witness the event to meet us at the fountain in front of the church. I changed into my board shorts and was ready to dive in.

I was the lucky one to go first. Surrounded by new friends and my family, I stepped into the fountain. Eric and Kevin, another one of my pastors, took my hands. Eric asked the question, I answered. They lowered me into the water, and I was laid to death. They brought me back out and I was reborn into a new life. A life in Christ.

So now you know the basic story of how I got to where I am. My blogs will no longer be on what has happened, rather they will be based on what is happening. I look forward to sharing my trials and triumphs with you all. Thank you for taking part in my Spiritual Journey. God bless.

Before & After Part Two: Decisions and Divine Intervention

2010-01-01T15:18:00.000-08:00

Continuing from my last blog, we come to the week of Thanksgiving 2009. At this time, I can honestly say I was at the lowest point in my life. I had nothing going for me and basically had given up on myself. There was a giant void in my life and had no idea how to fill it.

Thanksgiving week comes around, and I had two choices of where to go for the holiday. One, go up to my cousins house in Murrieta. Two, go up to Lake Arrowhead with my birth family. I was torn.
Now in my mind, others opinions and thoughts matter more than my own. So when it comes to making a decision of one or the other, I tend to over think the situation. I end up waiting to the last minute to make a decision, and in certain situations, run from the consequences. A trait which I am trying to change.

I wait till Tuesday to decide. I choose to head up to Lake Arrowhead. I could not tell you why I chose Arrowhead, because I honestly didn't know. However, I ran from the consequence of choosing my birth family over my cousins house. I will tell of the results and redemption of that choice in a later blog.
While up in the mountains I make a real connection with my entire birth family and have a great time, while also missing the rest of my family. While I was there though, I had a big feeling that I was were I needed to be.

We come to the end of Thanksgiving weekend, it's Sunday and I just drove back with my birth mom, Angie, her husband, Eric, and my brother and sister, Riley and Reesie. We get back to the house around 5pm, and I'm given a decision. I can either stay at the house or go to church with them. I haven't been to church in a long time mind you. My initial thought was to stay at the house, but something was pushing me to go. So we went to Southlands @ The Gallery.
As soon I walk into the building, I'm not only hit with a sense of peace, but also with a bunch of greetings and hugs. They knew Angie very well and knew of our reconnection. Needless to say, they were very happy to finally meet me. After the meet and greet sessions, and many mistaken South African accents for Australian, we all go into the main area to sit. That night they were showing a movie called, Faith Like Potatoes. This movie literally changed my life.

The movie is a true story about a South African farmer who goes through rough patch and ends up finding God and Christ. The moment he was saved, I felt God come into my life and fill the giant void. God had planned the whole weekend, just for that moment. After 10 years, my faith was not only restored, but reinvented. Not only was it my faith, but I myself was reinvented.

The next month was filled with so many amazing changes to my life, of which will be the subject of my next blog. Which I promise will be up sooner than a month!

Before & After Part One: The Loss

2009-12-21T10:31:00.001-08:00

Before I get into the present and future, I feel I need to shed some light on my past. I'm going to start about seven months ago, when I lost a dear friend...

It was Thursday, May 28th 2009. My ex-girlfriend, Megan, and I were in the middle of packing our apartment in Long Beach. We had lived together for over a year and had broken up a few months prior. The time had come to move out, and move on. Megan's friend, Natasha, was over helping us pack. I think it was somewhere around 1pm when she got a call from her father. He had called to tell us that her brother-in-law, Mitch, had been shot and killed early that morning. This is a version of what happened. Let me quickly add, he did not lunge at the officer. He was fleeing the scene of the crime.

Before I continue, let me explain how I knew Mitch. We were brought together by our girlfriends, who are sisters, but he quickly became much more. He had helped me when Megan cheated on me. He was there when we had broken up. I helped him when he felt his family was falling apart. We saw each other through a lot. He was my dear friend, my brother and I loved him.

When Megan got off the phone and told me what had happened, I was angry. I started ranting about how stupid he was for doing what he did. About five minutes later, it started to hit me. I walked out of our apartment and lost it. My dear friend, my brother was gone.

While all this was happening, I was leaving my apartment to move back into my dads in Fountain Valley. My one real accomplishment in life was gone. I had lost my girlfriend, my home, and my friend. Needless to say, I was an emotional wreck. My dad was not providing any of the support I needed during the time I lived there. He was more like an anti-support system.

A few weeks later, I got a call from my Aunt Vickie. She told me that my mom was in the hospital and on a respirator and that's all she knew. I freaked out of course and went home from work. I was a wreck waiting to hear something. My sister wasn't picking up her phone and I knew nothing of what was happening. I later got a call from my sister, Courtney. She told me our mom had a brain aneurysm that had burst and she had a seizure. Thank god it wasn't in front of my 10-year old nephew. It took a day, but she was taken off the respirator. Later that day, she was conscious enough to talk to people. At first she couldn't talk very well and couldn't make new memories. Nor did she remember what had happened. Little by little she started to get better. By the grace of god, she has since made an almost full recovery. Needless to say, this was also very had to go through and made it harder to grieve for Mitch.

Getting back to Mitch. During the time right after his death, Megan and I were hanging out a lot. Her sister put it perfectly, "what, do you guys just not know how to be apart?" It was true, but we needed each other at the time. Her family was providing me with the much needed support I was looking for. They offered to take me in to help deal with the loss. It wasn't hard to do after I lost my job. So I was back in Long Beach.

I'm very good at putting up a front. I may have looked ok, but I wasn't. I wasn't really dealing with the loss. I masked the pain by surrounding myself with Mitch's friends and marijuana. I had been a pot-head for quite sometime by then, but never had it meant so much to me. It was my escape, my pain medication. I smoked all day every day. Nothing else mattered to me but getting to that next bowl. It was like that for about five months.

I had a few weeks of clarity. One being a birthday cruise with my birth family. Another was my cousins wedding back in Indiana. Although both gave me an escape from life, I still ended up in the same pattern. I knew something needed to change but had no idea where to begin.

Fast forwarding a bit, we come to Thanksgiving weekend. I made a very important decision, that would change my life forever... and that will be the subject of my next blog.